Acceptance

Acceptance is a mighty big word and I think it banded around without much thought of what it really means. It also have many different levels and meanings.

My version of it at the moment is finally understanding and acknowledging I have a chronic illness. I now understand those words don't mean I am on the scrap heap. They mean it's a bit more of a battle for me to live every day. That I have to put more work into living well. I need to be more aware of my body and it's needs. Probably the most important part is I'm not anywhere near the superhuman I thought I was.

I've been reading the book 'living with hypothyroidism' by Mary Shomon. I'm not going to wax on and say how brillant it is. However, I will say it is a good read. A lot of the information I had already found through various sources over the last few months. Other bits just hit home. Like the use of the word 'No'. Also, how important it is close family understand what your like when your not well. I thought one of the best points made was the different it lengths of time it can take to get back to optimal health.

This length of time varies from person to person. I've now worked out how the 'flush' of extra thyroxine rushing through the body makes you feel like your on top of the world. The reality is it can take a few months after for things to settle down and improve.My Tsh hit 16 at Christmas time and over the last couple of months there has been a lot of stress dished out a work. Which I can now see hinders my recovery.

I hear things like 'things need to get back to normal'. Now instead of going yes and battling to be what they want. I'm taking a deep breath and pushing back. I understand and accept it's not all in my shoulders. They have a part to play in this as well. 'Normal' I would love to be normal!!

I have also realised talking with others who have the condition/disease helps. A friend told me last night how much of a difference it made having someone to talk to about how they were feeling. To support and understand how they are getting fobbed off by their doctor

I've also worked out why I haven hit a bad patch like this before. I used to go to the gym a lot and exercise is mega important. I also used to get massages on a regular basis. It's not that I have been neglecting myself it's just life changes. Myself and the other half did some stretching exercises yesterday. I can definitely feel I did something!! Again, it's back to little steps and rebuilding. I'm not going to be back in a gym anytime soon.

I accept!



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Finding the horse

Ok, so the last few months have been an awkward journey. I've learned my body needs vitamins and supplements to function more than it needs food. I've also learned the body has more control over the mind than I would like.

I've been taking most of the vitamins now for nearly 12 weeks and I have noticed improvements. I added Evening Primrose oil, Flaxseed Oil and Omega 3,6 and 9 about 2 weeks ago. It will take another 4-6 weeks for them to kick in. I'm thinking about adding liquorice root to the mix as I've read it has a good levelling effect on hormones and helps the guts!

Food wise I think my stomach has shrunk as I feel fuller now with less. Or it could be because my body is working better my natural 'that's enough' indicators are working. It's horrible eating and never feeling satisfied. Mind other new habit is if I feel like snacking I have a drink of water or a cup of coffee.

Now your probably thinking 'what the heck has all this got to do with a horse?!' well you might be familiar with the phrase getting back on the horse. I'm not going to blithely say I'm back in top form and everything is ok. This is a long journey and tomorrow could be a one step back type of day.

I'm learning to take each day as it happens. If I instinctively feel upset by something I walk away and tell myself to chill. Again it's my body reacting not my mind. I read somewhere that you should start the day with a positive aspiration. Instead if saying 'I'm not going to eat chocolate today' say 'I'm going to eat a bit more fruit/veg'.

My aspirational for each day at the moment is to have a good laugh. Last night the other half suggested taking the dogs for a walk in the woods. I wasn't feeling up for it but still said yes. We had a giggle! My describing the walk as if it was a 70's porn movie probably was funnier to me than the other half. Did I care no...I was laughing and enjoying myself.

I slept better last night and I've woken up refreshed. I'm looking forward to today!

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Highs and Lows

Does anyone else experience high and lows in your body's performance?!

I've had a few really great days this week and now today I feel horrible. I know if I don't push myself to do anything I would just laze the day away. Maybe it's because I've strayed from what I call my Spartan diet. I have had some sweet things in the evenings.

My blood test results this month are TSH 2.31 mu/l (ref range 0.27 -4.2)
T4 17 pmol/l (ref range 10-24)
T3 4.4 pmol/l (ref range 2.8-7.11)

Not brilliant but could be a lot worse. I'm hoping all the vitamins I've been taking will help. My weight has steadied and considering I've had over a week of not eating properly I'm not unhappy. I'm carrying nearly 4 lb extra but as it's also my period week I'm not unhappy. Though my guts are telling they aren't happy!!

So, today I'm back on the wagon so to speak. Going to make sure I drink plenty of water this weekend to help flush my system.

Anyways back to spring cleaning the house. It's the kitchen's turn to get pulled apart today.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

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Womanly Health/Children/Dogs

I've been using period tracker light over the last few months. It's been interesting comparing how I feel each month. The pains and pmt anger moods are all disappearing. I would say I know I'm a bit irritable an negative a few days before so I've decided they are the days to go quiet.

Period tracker has also shown my average cycle is 26 days. So much for all the medical stuff I read which says periods are infrequent. My cycle is also regular and predictable! I also read about hair loss. I'm hairy beyond a joke. When I was born I was taken back to the hospital because they thought there was something wrong with me. I tend to molt though and I give the dogs competition on who can clog the Dyson first.

My thinking is the hypothyroid condition can't be looked at on it's own. Other systems in the body are jump into the mix and cause the cauldron to bubble a bit more.

On a doggie note Hera is getting more submissive. My godson was around last night and Hera and Juno managed to tire him out. Hera is perfect for playing with young kids. Despite her size she is gentle and very aware of space. Juno doesn't quite get play in the same way and once the session of feeding treats and playing catch are over he takes a back seat.

I do wonder what the next knee jerk legislation for dogs is going to be. I think the move in Northern Ireland to have all dogs microchipped is a good idea. I think having a dog is good for children and young people. I also think there's no such thing as a bad dog only a bad owner. I also believe dogs pick up on character behaviour from their owners.

Cats on the other hand are their own masters until it comes to feeding time!!

Hope you all have a good day

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Hormones

Dear Creator......wouldn't you just love to be able to send that sort of letter and know you'd get a response! (Note Creator can be anything you believe)

I would like to know if we are still in the R&D (research and development) phase of the project or is this it. If we decided to change our views on how life should develop on a global scale and went back to a local version. Would that change attitudes to healthcare for the better?! I read an article the other day which suggested GPs didn't have time for diagnosing patients and the task should be handed over to private companies.

On the one hand I wasn't surprised and my work head said yes a great way to progress. But my me head said hold on! I have experienced doctors offering advice when they didn't really know me or my health history and if I listened I would have made myself worse. Personal experience which makes me shudder at a more corporate attitude to health care.

There is a great need for decent administrators and managers to make the paperwork side of things work. What about Nurse Practitioners.....are their skills put to good enough use?! I have met a nurse who was hypothyroid too and she just took her doctors advice and was settling with the negative symptoms of this condition. Mind I have to say it was me getting annoyed with a doctor which made me get off my arse and learn more about what I can do to make my life better. Maybe we trust in GPs too much.

Personally, I think we need more GPs who take a holistic and person centred approach. Any body got any thoughts on the subject?!

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Laughter

Ok have had a belly full of laughing this afternoon. Thanks to drawing with friends.

Laughter is definitely the best.......

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Moods and Aches

I'm fighting off a cold at the moment. I'm using cold and flu relief tablets and they seem to be working.

My mood is fairly light and easy going. Though I know if someone where to wind me up it wouldn't last. My memory is getting better as is my deductive reasoning. Though for some reason I seem to be thinking about things like a jigsaw. Everything must have corners and the outer edges will be straight. Normally I'm quite a random throw things in the air and see what happens sort of person. I'm warming to this logical approach.

I still feel really cold. This I find annoying as I used to wander round I T shirt and shorts even in the middle of winter. I still have aches and pains but these seem to be when I wake up in the morning and when I get tired. Whereas before I used to chew painkillers I've managed to go weeks without having any. I think what causes most of my aches is my guts not working properly. I'm working on this and it can takes weeks to get them back to normal after a rough patch of constipation.

I've been reading more about conversion of T4 to T3 and I think this is one of my issues. From what I have read I need to take selenium. Or eat Brazil nuts. Will start this after my next blood test,which is next week, and see if it makes a difference.

I still get the odd bout of shakieness and feeling sick but I think part of that is brought on by anxiety. So I'm going to have to learn to stop worrying about what hasn't happened yet.

Hope your all enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend.

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